I know this is a sticky topic. No one wants to hear this coming from another lady or a man, but it is true. I thank God because of the various experiences I have been through in life and especially seeing things happening around me. 2009 was great 2010 even greater :)
I also had the chance of reading
Steve Harvey’s Act like a lady, Think like a man. People say he is the generic speak of all other writers who try and address issues around ‘how to be in a relationship and come out successful’. In my mind I think he wrote this book just to remind us, men and women, the basic etiquette of conducting ourselves around each other. He does not introduce anything that is foreign or we were never taught in life, he addresses the things I believe we take for granted.
I have seen many women and men destroy their core values in the name of being in a relationship. Where you compromise your own beliefs in how to carry yourself in life and yet think it is going to be well. You allow a person into your life for a very simple reason; you like them and have similar interests in life. If not, you are trying to create a mirage and hope for the best. The sad thing here is that you end up wasting a lot of time trying to form this perfect person in your mind when in real sense there is no such thing as perfect. Only Christ.
Spending the irreversible currency of time on someone else who will not even think of doing the same on you is an injustice. At the risk of sounding like a feminist, I would like to humbly say that we are our own slayers. Severing this behavior is not an overnight task. It calls for a mind shift. I think we must be the bigger person in whatever happened in a past relationship – you may have been cheated on, you may have been deceived into investing money that cannot be salvaged ever, you may have been physically or emotionally abused or battered to submission – whatever the case, it’s never that serious!
Easier said than done Elsie you might say. I agree, it is not easy to lift what is in the mind into practice. But it may call for dedication on your part of the tallest order. I have found that facing these monsters head on using resentment and hate may not be the resolve. Even going round and exerting the same avenge on another person in the name of causing the entire sex to feel your wrath is also not the cause.
We have a tendency of being so vulnerable after these kinds of experiences, but who’s to blame you, you are human with feelings. But how we deal with these feelings sometimes is questionable. Sometimes you say, “I feel like the world should just sallow me,” “how could he/she do this to me,” “I’m not sure I will ever trust again,” etc. Sound familiar? Here’s a spanner in the works, it’s all on you. The task to ensure that you rise to the next play lies in your hands.
Firstly, recognize and acknowledge the pain, anger and all the terrible things that you could be feeling for the person and yourself as well. Then say a prayer and ask for the Lord to carry you through this difficult time, that He might also give you wisdom to discern those whom you need to surround yourself with at the time. Most times we are predisposed to drinking our pain out or just locking yourself up whilst lowering your self-esteem because you may not be happy about the part you played in causing all of this. So it is imperative that you forgive yourself and the person who caused you the grief if you are in to get past this brief glitch.
Secondly, take your time and space out from the relationship sphere. I don’t care how much you feel the need to be loved or to love someone back, give yourself time to heal and recover. Allow yourself to regroup and think up your plan-of-action going forward. You cannot NOT have a plan. Take a pen and paper and write down the things you may have learnt verse the things that you do not see yourself repeating. With this, keep reiterating it to yourself whenever you feel you are about to make the same error. If you must, print it out and pack it in your laptop bag or bedside table and just keep encouraging yourself that you will get past this.
Lastly, if and when you feel ready to get back into the dating scene, remember that not the first person you meet is the match-made-in-heaven for you. Have fun; take it easy; what’s the hurry people? You may have heard this before; no one can love another before loving oneself. This goes for respect as well. If anything, do this one thing whilst you time-out and I guarantee you will begin to attract only good people and even bad but you will have the eye to identify “the enemy” after a while.
God has a plan for each and every one of us. We have to firstly embrace His plan and not rush to execute our own at the risk of exposing ourselves to hurt. I close 2009 by telling you that there is someone out there for everyone. Let’s stop this battle of the sexes and go back to the place where our mothers’ and fathers’ did it. Let’s go back to our traditional values that we should pass on to our children and the generations to come. Let your armor down because it is by getting hit that you know how to barricade yourself from being hit. Let your heart be turned flesh again…let the ice fall away and let God who is the author of your life script your journey as you live it through.
God bless you and a happy and successful 2010 in everything you do in your life.
PS: Steve Harvey’s book comes highly recommended to those who have not read it.
